Holy baby!
by King Ro
Summary: Hibari Kyouya just wasn't the kind of man who endures childbirth pain alone.—Hm wait, did it say childbirth pain?


**Holy baby**

**Pairing.** TYL![6918]

OOC.

**Genres.** Humor, crack, M-preg

_I don't own KHR. Mukuro-sama and Hibari-san belong to Amano and belong to each other._

-King Ro-

**Note.** Just something out of boredom. Hm, beware of many crack scenes. I hope you enjoy this.

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* * *

It was a peaceful day so far. White clouds loitered lazily on vast clear sky, green trees bathed in warm sunlights, the wind nicely blew its cool breaths at falling yellow leaves. To put in short, everything looked as nice as a completed, colorful, beautiful landscape.

—Until a certain incident ruined all up.

**.**

Namimori hospital was busy as always. Noisy lumbered atmosphere, people crowded in flocks, heady aroma of disinfectant could be smelled everywhere. Usually, the surgical or medicinal buildings were most bustling, but that day, only in that day, the obstetrical building was just the loudest above any other place. Let me explain why.

It was about noon when the nurse behind the registration table prepared to switch shift with her colleague; then suddenly a blue-haired man broke down the door. Carried (in bridal style) another raven guy whose face so pale and hands wrapped tightly around his bulged belly as if he had a stomach ache, said blue-haired man barged through the lobby, faced the confused nurse with a messed-up look and disheveled clothes. I won't blame her, we can't blame her, any nurse must be confused with _that_ sight.

However forget it, the man should be the most confusing one here. The diagnostic paper he received earlier ensured that his spouse would only give birth to their child after two more months from now. But eventually this morning, the maternity pain urged said spouse to writhe dramatically on the floor as if he was going to die. Left with no other choice, the freaked out husband had to carry him all the way to a nearest hospital immediately, tried to prevent any unfortunate outcome—which very much likely could happen, considered the situation.

"I'm in a hurry, please inform the doctor to arrange one delivery room for my spouse right-now. His name is Hibari Kyouya, and I'm Rokudou Mukuro. " He managed to finish his seamless sentences between heavy pants before looked up and frowned at the motionless nurse. "Excuse me, why don't you write down the informations?"

Miss nurse recognized from the start that Hibari was a man. I mean, obviously, Hibari _is_ a man. She smiled brightly and replied with an indifferent tone, somehow escorted with the faintest hint of pity.

"Good afternoon, I'm sorry mister, we have no time for jokes."

"I'm not kidding, can't you see by yourself that my spouse is in childbirth pain?"

She glanced again at Hibari, then at Mukuro. Her eyes chock-fulled of commiseration. And so did her voice.

"I'm afraid that we can't provide any help. But I'm sure others can. Please try to memorize this, once you get out of here, turn left, go through the corridor to the opposite building. That's where the intestinal section located, they may cure him there. Now for your own sake, I think you'll need it, after exit the intestinal section, turn right, up to the second floor, pass three more corridors and you will arrive at the _neurological_ department. Want me to draw a map?"

"Listen, I'm being very serious and _THIS _is very serious! If you don't hurry, my Kyouya will—"

Contradicted to the calm attitude of the nurse, Mukuro proved extremely impatient. Embracing a sweaty, awfully pained Hibari in his arms, listened to the shorter man's husky groans and shortened pants, the illusionist started losing his temper. He threateningly stabbed a flamed-up trident on the enrollment paper, missed said nurse's hand just mere inches away, his dangerously low voice filled with destructive intent. And yes, when Mukuro said it, he _meant_ it.

"I repeat, _immediately_ arrange a room, or I will bid my time to thoroughly _destroy_ this place."

The nurse panicked at the sight of a very, very sharp and probably kill-able weapon. She tried her best to sooth Mukuro while urging the other stunned nurse to call for help.

"S-sir, please-please calm down—we will find a solution to this problem, we sure will! Just calm down and please put that—oh I don't know _anything_ anymore—big fork away! You there, contact the psychiatrists, this is an emergency! Ask them to come here and retrieve their escaped patient right now!"

At that very stressful moment, series of children's cries rang out from other childbirth rooms. What a great hubbub. Those men who previously waited on the lobby found that the situation wasn't convenient to talk or move, now scurrily stood up and dashed to their delivery rooms. Really, riot scene just wasn't very suitable for pregnant people.

And Hibari Kyouya was definitely one who loathes noise most in the world.

**BAM!**

Hopped to the ground from Mukuro's embrace, Hibari struggled terribly to just stand straight, aided with a somewhat superman's strength, he thumped his tonfa into the steel pillar and drilled a nice huge hole. Well, I suppope pregnant people always feel discomfort and prefer to act violently in unpleasant situations. Mention again, we were talking about the most violent person in Japan, or the whole world—Hibari Kyouya, whether he was pregnant or not. Said black-haired man gritted his teeth so hard that the clatter sound could be heard, again thrashed his tonfa on the already-harmed pillar, made it vibrate horribly and threatened to collapse any time.

"Operating room—or—bite—to—death?"

"Please … I beg you … sir … please control yourself …", The nurse persuadedc desperately.

"I said, an operating room," Hibari grunted through grinded teeth, emitted a terrific hiss "—or **let me bite you to death**?"

Last warning. Last warning.

"Ro-roger sir! Right away sir! And-and please just a second sir! You guys hurry up and do what he said!"

The nurse finally realized that the mantra of 'gotta-stay-calm-calm-calm' won't protect her from being bitten to death by a _pregnant-able_ man. This was what she thought, _Never once did I imagine that someday I may have the honor to help giving birth to a terrorist AND an out-of-his-right-mind but good-looking man's child_.

But Mr. Fate with his tremendous slogan _You-do-what-I-like, don't-care-if-you-dislike_ was just that cruel.

Back to the scene, the nurse ran her fullest speed to a doctor and did any necessary procedures for the insane—she said—couple. Hibari almost dropped on the floor like a stone, fortunately Mukuro was there to support him. He suffered vigorously with the abdominal cramp, even shaked so awfully. His face looked paler and paler by time. _Should anything bad happen to Kyouya_, Mukuro solemnly swore, he will make sure to wipe _clean_ this whole place without restraint.

Seconds later, the doctors stamped their footsteps loudly from running like there was a ghost chasing them and carefully pushed the bed with Hibari lied on it into an operating room. Mukuro also followed as an enthusiastic and caring husband. Door closed, and here came the most dramatic scene ever in Namimori hospital. Those nurses who stood outside clenched their hands together as they earnestly prayed, didn't know for the sake of Hibari and the baby or for the lives of their beloved doctors. I bet on the latter.

During the next four hours, constant screams and shattered objects emanated from room 1—the infamous terrorism couple's delivery room. It was pure horror with increasingly broken sounds and deadly threats, which were more than enough to make anyone outside trembled uncontrollably in utter fear.

"For world's peace (?), Kyouya! I'm willing to share the pain with you, but don't crawl on my face like this!"

"Sir please do something! Refrain your wife from _biting_ the doctor! If this continues a murder is certainly bound to happen!"

"Remove those needles out of his reach! —_OR ELSE_-!"

"Don't let him touch the scalpel! Don't let—OH GOOD GOD HE STABBED ME!"

" AT THIS RATE EVERYBODY WILL—OW MY FREAKING BONES!"

" …!"

" …!"

"EMERGENCY! We need more doctors and nurses to give us a hand—those with precedent suicidal attempts preferrable! I don't care who and how, just dump them here! It is an urgent case!"

The severely wounded doctor somehow managed to finish his phone call before knocked out senseless. Those who remained sober in the room started to wonder if they could really make it and get out of here _alive_.

Speaking of 'get out', the baby's small head and neck already exited the hole, all that left was his body. And that could be extremely dangerous if they can't pull the rest out as soon as possible.

"This is getting ridiculous!" A nurse dared to comment.

"As if it wasn't from the start!" Another one objected.

Truth to be told, they had received many many _overreacted_ women before, but neither their strength nor their brutality can hope to compare with the born-to-bite (or beat) Hibari Kyouya. More over, he _is_ Namimori's most powerful man—they just _oh-my-godly_ realized it two hours ago, and guess what, his adequate _inhuman_ husband was broadcasted on underground world's TV channels at least twice a day since earlier for his impressive and flashy way to massacre a _huge_ manor.

Could this get any worse?

Needless to mention that was _physically_ impossible for a man to give birth. Despited the obvious fact, it was _fundamentally_ impossible to say CANNOT with these two, since now they can't calmly carry on a discussion without blood-splashing. And this was _it_. It wasn't like the doctors were left with _oh-so-many-choices_ in the first place.

Okay, miracle-creating time, guys.

After another full hour which seemed like a century long passed, the screams gradually reduced and then shut down. Those poor doctors and nurses almost fell on the floor when the baby was pulled out in one piece. Hibari panted hard, a light smile of satisfaction crossed his sweaty face ever so slightly. Mukuro announced with an overexcited tune, tried to energize his spouse up.

"Great, Kyouya dear. You did great, everything is good."

Well, to be honest, no. Not _everything_ is good.

In a corner of the room there lied a pile of fainted bodies, strange liquid splashed on cracked walls and torn-off curtains while pieces of broken equipments scattered all over blood stained floor, partly covered in shreds of ripped bedsheet. Anybody presented in this room had a fractured bone or two. And don't you forget the stabbed doctor who was transferred to a surgical section to take out the scalpel.

Can you imagine such grave casualties? All over one birth-giving case?

However with Mukuro, as long as Hibari and their child were safe and sound, the rest could be considered _stable as usual_, perfectly normal. It was strange enough how he even had a sense for _normal_ though.

But let's put all that aside, like Mukuro did. The illusionist carefully wrapped a towel around the tiny pinky baby, rocked him back and forth to lure his child into sleep. Set himself comfortable along the bedside, Mukuro gently stroked his spouse's disheveled hair, murmured soft words to comfort him.

"You are wonderful, honey. Look, it's our son, look at how adorable he is."

Hibari could barely hold back his tired but satisfied smile, so he just let it be. Mukuro brightly chuckled, puts a feather-like kiss on his spouse's forehead.

Those—very few—who managed to keep their sanity until final can't help but shared same thoughts over the insane couple's sugar sweet conversation. Such romantic scene, but somehow the destroyed background ruined their—the survivals'—mood.

"I was so worried. I even thought we couldn't make it."

_We were __**bloody terrified**__! We even thought we couldn't make it (out of here alive)!_ Several nurses sobbed in overjoy.

"Are you alright darling? Were they too rough? Did it hurt too much?"

_Please use a little of your precious time to take a close look at us, you will see who carry more wounds_. The doctors bitterly trembled in pain.

"Okay, you should take a good rest. Tonight I'll bring you back home."

_Tonight we will be able to APPROACH a sane life again!_ Some of them swore to come to church more often afterward.

-x-x-

The five-hour-long maternity surgery for Hibari Kyouya was now completed. The obstetrical section of this hospital even considered it as the first resurrection in the world, given the level of happiness and aweful were same. An unmatched thrill, an unmatched fear, an unmatched joy, an unmatched pride. This operation later proceeded as a brilliant legendary case in Namimori hospital's record.

However, all doctors here just appeared to have a humble heart and apparently willed to share their glory with others. Right before Mukuro and Hibari, and the newborn child left, a professor dared to make his move by offered an honest suggestion.

"When you guys have a second child, I advise you should go to an obstetrical hospital which is only two streets away from here, not so far. There they have high technology and advanced equipments, the nurses are experienced and take actions extremely fast. Especially, their professional doctors could bear physical and mental pain very well."

_God, Buddha, Allah, Shiva, anyone with a kind heart from higher-up the sacred sky_, the professor mentally prayed while caressing his sprained arm, _please please __**please**__ don't let them have a second child._

**.**

**.**

**.**

And that was how baby Rokudou Mukuya—Rokudou Mukuro and Hibari Kyouya's first son—was born to the world.

**.End.**

* * *

Finally, an oneshot, not too short I guess? Somehow the idea of _How did they make it_ when I read some M-preg fanfic kept loitered on my mind and demanded me to do something to get rid of it.

Really, it felt good now that I finished this.

Edited. Thanks Kajune for corrected me that a baby's head comes out first. I have no idea.


End file.
